Labels, shame, identity

Hello friend,

It was sometime around October 2017.

Sitting in a classroom of about 80 people, I was lost in the world of Shakespeare. It was one of the most exciting courses I studied during a year of liberal arts.

During a discussion, one student remarked, “May be I am overthinking this but I really feel….”

But, before they could finish, our teacher interrupted, “THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS OVERTHINKING!”

I don’t remember what she said after that as I got immediately distracted. I sat up straight wondering, “Wait what? I thought I was an overthinker and she is saying there is no such thing!”

What I sensed later was that she was trying to help us break out of the limits we put on ourselves. She was pushing us to trust our instincts and go deeper where our imagination and curiosities led us, instead of being satisfied by shallow answers.

That one line stuck with me, challenging how I’d always seen myself. It made me realize the power of labels and their limits.

We all carry labels—some placed on us by others, some we’ve given ourselves. Labels like “overthinker,” “lazy,” “failure,” or even “addict.” These labels shape how we see ourselves and, more often than not, they hold us back.

We carry them around like chains, and we start to believe that they define us. We say things like, “I’m an addict,” “I’m a failure,” or “I’m just not good enough.” These aren’t just passing thoughts—they become our story and reality.

And here is the thing I have realized: shame and labels often go hand in hand.

Brené Brown distinguishes between guilt and shame in the best way. Guilt says, “I did something bad.” It’s tied to an action and can be a motivator for change. Shame, on the other hand, says, “I am bad.” It’s tied to your identity, and it paralyzes you. It becomes a label that defines who you are.

Think about it. When you make a mistake, do you say, “I messed up,” or do you say, “I am messed up?”

It’s a subtle difference, but that shift from guilt to shame is where we can get stuck.

The first step to breaking free from labels is to see them for what they are—limiting stories about “who we are” that no longer serve us. These labels often lose their power when we realize they are just stories, not facts. Beneath these labels, there’s a deeper awareness of who we truly are, and that part of us is not defined by our past or our mistakes.

For years, I labeled myself as an “overthinker,” as if that was something inherently wrong with me.

It became a core part of my identity—something I felt sometimes ashamed about or I had to fight against. Some people have told me I intellectualize too much or I spend too much time in my head instead of living.

It might be true to an extent but I have realized that this isn’t exactly a flaw.

I am just not easily satisfied by shallow explanations. My natural curiosity and sensitivity helps me understand things from a deeper perspective.

It has allowed me to find richness and meaning in life’s everyday moments that others might overlook.

There is nothing wrong with me. I no longer have to be ashamed about it.

Moving from shame to acceptance is realizing that we don’t need to be fixed because something is “broken” within us. It’s about realizing that we’re enough as we are, and from that place of acceptance, we can take positive action.

When you stop seeing yourself as flawed and boxed by labels and start seeing yourself as a whole, something shifts.

You realize that you don’t have to be held back by the labels that others or even you have placed on yourself. You can choose to respond differently, to take action, and to let go of the stories that no longer serve you.

Next time you find yourself weighed down by a label, ask yourself: “Is this truly who I am, or is this just a story I’ve been telling myself?”

You’re more than the labels you’ve been given.

You are enough, just as you are. 🙂

Until next time,
Love,
Ved