The paradox of letting go

Hello friend,

I have always struggled with letting go.

Sometimes it is the most trivial of things.

For example, one such thing is my obsession with reaching the movie theater at least 15 minutes before the doors open.

It makes me anxious to even think about missing trailers, let alone the movie’s beginning. That explains why I often go to movies alone; not everyone can deal with that restlessness.

The real challenge of letting go is when it comes to older patterns, habits, and heavier emotions like shame, overwhelm, or guilt.

This is despite self-awareness.

For example, I know that my struggle with body image is rooted in specific childhood instances.

But, I still cannot let go of the dread and the subtle stomach knot I feel whenever I step up on the weighing scale.

I have realized that the usual approach to letting go of something is to disassociate or distract.

You either try to disassociate and discard the memories and emotions as if they are not yours. Or you cannot even bear the thought and you distract yourself in some other work or pursuit as an escape.

Sometimes you don’t even realize that you are escaping or disassociating.

But, in both cases, the harder you try to let go, the more it tightens its grip.

The very act of trying to let go often reinforces the hold these things have on us.

It’s a paradox that feels inescapable.

But here’s what I’ve come to understand: letting go isn’t about trying harder.

It’s about being gentle with yourself, being present with what you’re feeling, and accepting it fully.

Whether it’s a person, an emotion, or an incident; when you allow yourself to feel it deeply—viscerally—in your body, something shifts.

You can’t let go by observing from a distance, by trying to detach yourself consciously.

You cannot simply drop it. Instead, you need to drop in it.

True letting go happens when you immerse yourself completely in the experience and realize that “you” are not defined by it.

You’re not the emotion, not the memory, not the incident.

You experientially realize that there is “You” even without “it”. That ‘You’ is pure, subtle awareness that is deeply immersed yet untouched by anything around it.

And when you manage to do that, the need to let go begins to dissolve.

It becomes unnecessary because you’re no longer holding onto anything in the first place. The experience integrates into your being, and you move forward—lighter, freer.

It takes time and effort, of course. Sometimes this integration happens in stages.

That is why they say healing is a journey, not a one-time event.

What is important is to stay kind towards yourself when you notice the recurring patterns.

And then, with utmost courage and deep presence, witness them as part of you. Let them dissolve in the deeper sea of your awareness without judgment and shame.

So this week, I invite you to sit with whatever you’re struggling to let go of.

Don’t fight it. Don’t try to force it away.

Instead, feel it fully, accept it, and see if you can discover that subtle awareness of “You” that is untouched by it. And just be there. After some time, go on with your day with this awareness at the back of your mind.

What happens next, you ask?! You tell me.
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All I can say is only you can realize the “you”. 🙂

Until next time,
Love,
Ved