Thoughts on inner work and integration

Hello friend,

You are doing the inner work.

Maybe you went to expensive therapy for months. You identified your triggers, addressed childhood traumas, did all sorts of meditation, and journaled every day.

You can sense the inner transformation.

You no longer get triggered by the same circumstances. You begin to let go of the inner judgment, shame, or guilt. You forgive yourself.

Maybe you even begin to see your parents in a new light and forgive them for their shortcomings.

Bravo!!

What next?

Now, you might feel hyper-aware of everything.

You might become a snobbish, Hermoine-like creature who knows-it-all. You are quick to judge and see through people why they react in a volatile way. Maybe you even show the audacity to fix them but end up getting frustrated as it does not work that way.

Some might even judge themselves at this point for still doing the same things despite all the inner work and so-called healing.

You go back and forth in this cycle of awareness, judgment, and personal healing for some time.

Maybe, you pass through this stage too.

You now recognize that everyone here is on their journey to learn their lessons. Nobody is superior or inferior. You learn to draw boundaries to protect your energy. You become a screen, not a sponge for the emotions of others.

You begin to feel universal love, kindness, and self-compassion towards everyone, most importantly yourself.

There are no mistakes. There is only unconditional acceptance and non-judgemental awareness.

What next after this?

How do you show up in the world after this inner transformation?

Is it all inner or does it impact your outer life too?

After all, you still exist in a physical world with a physical body with family duties and bills to pay and work to do.

Is there any difference in how you show up in the world with this renewed sense of self?

More importantly, what are the consequences of this inner transformation?

Does your older life necessarily fall apart, as many others experience after their transformation?

Honestly, I do not know the answer yet.

But deep down in my heart, I do sense some shift that began a couple of years ago.

I feel I am in between cycles, resting and relaxing preparing for the next stage.

I am looking for ways to show up in the world with a sense of deep okayness and radical authenticity.

Recently, I came to know that this is called integration in spiritual circles. A way of being that feels aligned with your inner, true self.

I don’t know what that would look like for my life.

For now, it only reminds me of this line from Zen:

“Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”

Until next time,
Love,
Ved