My biggest fear
Hello friend,
Things are kinda gloomy and topsy-turvy at the moment. Do you also feel the same? Is there anything going on in the cosmos or is it just me?
I have one reason why I am feeling like this and it relates to my biggest fear in life.
Ever since I turned 30, I have been going for a full-body checkup, once in 6 months or once a year. It started by chance initially when at the beginning of the last year, I found out that some of my critical blood markers were haywire.
Thankfully, with the right intervention of a few lifestyle shifts and Ayurvedic medicine, they were back to normal within 6 months. It was also the result of a period of less stress after I left my full-time job and went for a Vipassana retreat.
But, now things have changed again.
I am not feeling that well in general. My mom at home also pointed out in private that I looked off. I feel I have been under considerably higher stress over the past 2 months, no matter how much I try to deny it on the surface. My lifestyle has become more sedentary.
To be honest, I just feel all over the place with no intention and energy left for self-care and improving my health.
As I wait for my annual checkup results tonight along with an impending doctor’s evaluation tomorrow, I am once again facing my biggest fear. The fear of going down on a similar path as my family history of lifestyle diseases. It is scary to imagine a similar fate awaiting me, sooner or later if I don’t make drastic lifestyle changes.
But, the idea of making those changes just feels so hard right now with everything else going on in work where I am trying to stay self-employed and survive.
I know somewhere I need to find that intention and drive to make big changes if I don’t want my fear to turn into reality.
It is ironic and somewhat sad that I struggle with this despite reading and writing on similar topics in the past. I am finding it difficult to apply the information and take action rather than just talking about it. I wonder if that makes me hypocritical and fake. Maybe it does.
But, right now I cannot do anything about it.
Anyway, how is your week going? Feel free to say hi if we haven’t spoken lately and reconnect for random chit-chats perhaps!?
Until next time,
Love,
Vishal