Shenpa
Hello friend!
Have you ever felt a familiar sense of unease when you are trying to resist something but fall back into familiar patterns?
It could be that itch to overeat when you are stressed.
It could be a serious sense of indignation and a sinking feeling in the stomach when someone criticizes you.
It could be the overpowering craving for a cigarette or alcohol when the work is piling up.
It could be the tendency to overwork or procrastinate to deal with uncomfortable emotions.
In a book called Taking the Leap, Pema Chödrön refers to this itch and the habit of scratching it as “shenpa”.
“Whenever there’s discomfort or restlessness or boredom—whenever there’s insecurity in any form—shenpa clicks in. The sad part is that all we’re trying to do is not feel that underlying uneasiness. The sadder part is that we proceed in such a way that the uneasiness only gets worse.”
Pema Chödrön, Taking the Leap
I find the concept extremely relatable in my life. In fact, I feel this is how most detrimental habits or addictions form in our lives.
Truth be told, I struggle with a number of itches. They all lead to things I hate about myself- be it smaller things like overworking to deal with complex emotions or sensitive body image issues that sometimes result into episodes of binge-eating or even bigger issues that would demand a whole new blog (and a pseudo pen name!) to talk about. 😀
The most recent instance of the itch was when I recently switched cities to resume work from the office.
I felt a lot of resistance a day before I was about to travel.
Partly it was because I feel I had not done a great job when I first came to live in Mumbai, back in 2018. I do see those 2 years as a period of emotional and spiritual growth but there was still some fear.
Maybe it is human nature.
We fear change even though it is the only thing permanent in the world.
We fear uncomfortable emotions that arise in our day-to-day lives.
This is what leads to shenpa- the itch and the urge to scratch. The urge to smoke, overeat, lie, drink, or {insert any coping mechanism}.
The solution is simple. In the words of Pema,
“Learn to stay. Learn to stay with uneasiness, learn to stay with the tightening, learn to stay with the itch and urge of shenpa, so that the habitual chain reaction doesn’t continue to rule our lives, and the patterns that we consider unhelpful don’t keep getting stronger as the days and months and years go by.”
Pema Chödrön, Taking the Leap
When I first read this, I realized how this goes against the popular advice that simply suggests replacing the detrimental habit with a more helpful habit.
Yes, replacing might be helpful but not before you uncover that underlying uneasiness or experience those uncomfortable emotions.
I have tried to replace some detrimental habits with a strict 5 am regime of exercise and workout. It never worked in the long term and even the positive-sounding habit became like a chain that bound me.
When we are conditioned to scratch at the slightest indication of discomfort, it is not easy.
But the moment we start getting aware of the scratch itself, we begin to take steps towards transformation.
Here is a simple 3 step act to be aware:
1. Pause
2. Allow the gap between itch and scratch to exist
3. Take 3-4 deep breaths
When we do this, we experience instant connection with ourselves and slow down instead of chasing after something to ease the unease.
Expect some pain when you do not scratch the itch. It is like a detox period.
It is like when you tell a kid not to scratch the wound because it will only make it worse.
Allow it to exist and it will heal. That is it.
The key to finding comfort in discomfort. The key to acknowledging and overcoming Shenpa, in the words of Pema, is:
“Sit. Stay. Heal. We can heal ourselves and the world by training in this way.”
Pema Chödrön, Taking the Leap
Until next time
Love
Vishal
PS: This is another experimental newsletter format I am trying. Feel free to hit reply and tell me if you would like to see more newsletters in this format or prefer the curated ones like the past two newsletters. If it is the latter, how was this topic overall? Does this justify a separate blog in public?
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