Can I Just Be- Overcoming the Identity

I have noticed an overwhelming urge to always keep doing, thinking about, or becoming something or someone. It leads to a constant, numbing, nagging sense of exhaustion at the back of my mind. Most of the time, it goes unnoticed but it is present.

On further self-inquiry, it usually comes down to a specific identity. I am exhausted when I am striving towards becoming someone.

For example, the identity of a manager in a company to a successful self-employed person. Or, the identity of a good boy who was always successful in school to that of a courageous rebel who doesn’t give 2 Fs about success in its traditional sense.

James Clear talks about identity as a fundamental core to changing habits. He says that change needs to happen at the identity level. Only then it is everlasting.

But, it still feels like a forced idea or something to realize in the future.

What if I can just be? What if I can just be the conduit of doing and expression?

I know it sounds a bit woo woo but I am really tired of doing things to achieve something or a distant goal.

Yes, I know the definition of success is a progressive realization of a worthy goal.

But I am not sure if I resonate with that definition anymore.

The constant strive to achieve something or become someone drains me more than it excites me. Maybe the exhaustion is due to the expectations of certain outcomes.

Is it what Bhagwat Gita says about non-doing and karma yoga?

The idea is that I only have the right to action but not to the fruits of action. So, my dharma or purpose becomes to take conscious action that is in alignment with the present and rises out of playful curiosity and fun.

I essentially become a channel for the universe and soul to express themselves through love, compassion, and joy.

It is the action done with a sense of presence, awareness, and joy. It is the action done for its own sake.

Maybe this is the way to joyful systems that enable me to take intuitive action towards goals and dreams that feel aligned with my soul on a deeper level in the present moment.

I sometimes feel as if I am craving an easy life by desiring to be joyful.

Is it the conditioning of the mind that tells me that things need to be hard in order to be worth it?

Hustle, hard work, and discipline after all are some of the values I really admire in others.

I am not sure if I am running away from the hard work and discipline required to act by thinking this way.

Maybe it is also the perception. I can work hard that might feel like play to me but hard work to others.

For example, yesterday I did work hard in that sense but I did not feel drained due to it.

I think it is more about the mindset and inner alignment with which I am choosing to operate in this world. The mindset is driven by heart-based alignment with my standards of integrity or core values while focusing on intuitive action driven by joy and playful curiosity.

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