For a long time, I was proud of never crying at anything. This was especially true during movies. I always felt extremely strong when I did not feel any overwhelming emotions during any movie while others were shedding tears around me.
This programming came from several childhood beliefs.
For example, men never cry. Tears are a sign of weakness. You cannot survive in the world if you cry like a girl at small things.
Over time, I have realized the falsehood and danger of such beliefs. They have huge implications for emotional and mental health. It was not until a breakdown which made me started feeling okay with tears and crying.
The most beautiful realization was that the tears were not just to express sadness. They also come with deep joy and overwhelming feelings of beauty, connection, and love as well.
In the last few years, there have been a few instances where I experienced such emotions. All those experiences fall under one of the three buckets below.
1. Sense of divine support & guidance
The first time I ever cried properly was during/after a guided meditation. This was about 10 years ago when I had started casually meditating because every self-help book said so! 😀
But I never expected such a reaction.
Since then, I have had a couple of instances where a thought about being guided and supported by a higher power (guardian angels/soul family/inner guide/God/any term you prefer) has brought tears to my eyes.
It happens rarely, especially with some guided meditations and when I am extremely overwhelmed and lost.
Almost every time, the message boils down to the essence of, “You are not alone. You are loved, guided, and supported.”
2. Connection with the inner child
I first came across the concept of the inner child 4 years ago. It happened by chance as a result of a guided meditation once again.
This was the time when I had just begun therapy. I had begun to acknowledge emotions and feelings without judging myself or feeling guilty about them.
It was a sense of connection with my past self in the most intimate manner. It felt as if I literally went into the past and consoled the child who didn’t know how to process his emotions.
I once wrote a small story partly inspired by this experience. You can read it here.
3. Sense of interconnectedness
This is the most difficult to explain out of all the three. It happened fairly recently at the end of my Vipassana retreat.
It was the last day of the course.
The main teacher, S.N. Goenka, said something in the recorded video about going out into the outer world and leaving this place. And he made a gentle request to everyone in his trademark humorous style about sending loving kindness or Metta Bhavana to him and the teachers when our practices were going strong.
He is no longer alive in the physical world but it felt as if he was still there in the eternal consciousness somewhere.
Tears automatically rolled down my cheeks at the thought of leaving that place and the feeling of gratitude toward everyone involved in conducting those sessions.
The only way I could explain or use the best term to explain is an inexplicable sense of interconnectedness I felt at that time.
I am yet to experience that feeling again but it was a powerful emotion, almost similar in nature to the previous two.
What leads to tears of joy and love for you?
Do you resonate with any of the above?
Share your stories in the comments below!
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